Love in the Afternoon

That's a lot of kissing. I bet you're thinking - "This must be such a romantic movie!"

You are INCORRECT! Love in the Afternoon (1957) is a terrible movie. At least in my opinion it is. The first 5 minutes are quite romantic (in a cute way), but then it goes downhill SO QUICKLY. So quickly.

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Audrey Hepburn's character (Ariane) lives with her private detective father.

"Oh cool!" I thought. "This is like an early version of Veronica Mars." WRONG! Veronica Mars would roll her eyes at Ariane and make a ton of quippy remarks about her behavior.

Ariane snoops into her dad's files and starts to fall in love with one of the guys her dad is trailing - an aging lothario creep-master played by Gary Cooper.

This guy.

You can see him more clearly here. "Man of the Year" - HA! 

I guess when this movie came out people thought that Gary Cooper was way too old to play a romantic interest for Audrey Hepburn, and I totally agree. If he had been an attractive slightly younger man, I MAY have liked this movie. But the whole thing hinges on the viewer believing that he is lustworthy enough for her to care for him in spite of her best interests, and you just can NOT believe that with Gary Cooper playing the part. Words I'd use to describe his character - rude / grumpy / ass-ish / blarghh.

Yup. There's no way this beaut would fall for him either.

Please stop being so moony over him. Not worth it.

He's carrying on with another woman in the midst of carrying on with Audrey, YET ANOTHER reason not to be obsessed with him! GRAJLJKFLKJAJFAAIUQN (the sounds of frustration).

The awkward age-appropriate dude who plays with Audrey in the band (and wants to smooch her). Trying to get her out of her daze. He doesn't succeed. All you want is for Audrey to run off with him instead.

.... but she doesn't. She concocts an elaborate plan to fool grumpshit into thinking she has as many guys as he has ladies... you know, in order to change him and make him fall in love with her and only her. Awesome choice. Trickery is always the best route to a wondrous relationship that's built to last.

I was watching this movie on my laptop in the same general area as my sister, and at one point she said - "Mal, turn it off. I don't know who that actress is but her voice is SO ANNOYING!" And - while I normally love Audrey movies - I totally agree with her. Audrey is the WORST in this. And you just want her to shut up.

At least she has good taste in eyewear.

Puke.

The dog is as distressed as I am.

He's leaving Paris (did I mention that this movie takes place in Paris? WATCH FUNNY FACE INSTEAD) and she begs him to stay. Tears running down her face. He's blatantly showing no interest.... until out of the blue - he drags her onto the train with him and off they go.

Doesn't that look romantic? It's hard to tell whether he's strangling her or embracing her. Uh.

And we're to believe that her father is actually happy about this development!!?!?!?! Insanity.

The end. 

& good riddance.

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